All That Other Stuff

Well several years ago I was a victim of an alien abduction, the aliens known as greys, implanted a chip called Lemmings! into my brain and the memory of the abduction was erased, I was unaware of what had happened untill a few weeks ago during a keg party, I photocopied my head (It's a long story) and the light from the machine must of triggered the chip and activated the chip, well I walked around aimlessly bumping into walls and falling down for no reason for days. I would follow people around leading to several arrests and lawsuits. Finally when I heard the Entertainment Tonight theme song I snaped out of it, I then tried to seek out what had happened to me. Memories from the abduction came back I could remember them giving me beer and a lot of women that they had also abducted. When I went back to my appartement, it was trashed, the cia, FBI and the Canadian Mounties were looking for me to get the chip before the commies did. I grabed a few of my things and went underground were I enlisted the services of an ex-cia-FBI-Mountie vigilantie at the Michigan Militia compound He found out that they were looking for me because they had uncovered an evil plot by the aliens to conquer the earth. They were abducting people and inplanting these chips, and once everyone had a chip they would activate it and control the earth. Well I went to see Dr. Kivorkian and he removed the chip which was a mistake because before the cia, FBI and the Mounties needed me alive but now I could be killed because the chip was no longer in my brain. With the help of my ex cia-FBI-Mountie friend i sold the chip to China's communist army for 5.6 billion $, the v chip that they want to put in t.v.'s is really a lemmings! chip to help them take over the earth. I'm now trying to stay low by living in Jamacia under the assumed name Forrest Gump, trying not to attract attention to myself because the cia, FBI and the Mounties are still after me and those aliens are still out there waiting to take over the world.